On Fridays, because I know nobody has anything better to do on Fridays than read my impossibly mind-expanding and influential blog here at FOTM (Father of the Millenium for those of you playing the home game) I am going to conduct a weekly interview. This interview will be known as the World’s Dumbest Interview. This interview is so staggering in its ineptitude and lack of necessity that one would actually gain a few IQ points by simply pretending it did not exist. So, it should come as no surprise that the first victim of the World’s Dumbest Interview will be me.
FOTM: Hello, me, and welcome to the World’s Dumbest Interview.
ME: Hello. Glad to be here.
FOTM: You shouldn’t be. This is really quite stupid.
ME: Good. I’ll fit right in.
FOTM: Very well. Shall we begin?
ME: Please do.
FOTM: If you could have a meal named after you, what would it be?
ME: Jim’s Sausages, because I don’t actually possess fingers. I have sausage-like digits dangling from my palms.
FOTM: Most clench-worthy experience?
ME: Falling asleep at the wheel of a speeding vehicle and nearly being dead. I clenched up good then.
FOTM: You are an omniscient, all-powerful being staring down at the planet. What’s the first thing you do?
ME: Kill the mosquitoes. Every last one. If our entire ecosystem hangs on the plight of mosquitoes, then we don’t stand a chance. Oh, and give men breasts. That would solve so many of the world’s problems.
FOTM: Best movie villain ever?
ME: T-1000. That creepy Robert Patrick face still haunts my dreams.
FOTM: Last one. Would you seek refuge in the stars or go down with the planet?
ME: Refuge in the stars. If the Earth’s going down anyway, why not see what’s out there?
FOTM: Thank you, me. This has been most insightful.
There you have it, folks. The World’s Dumbest Interview, conducted on myself. I have to say, I gave some in depth and insightful answers to those inane and altogether quite stupid questions. I am really rather impressive.
If anyone would like to subject themselves to the World’s Dumbest Interview, and wouldn’t mind having their answers posted here at F.O.T.M., please submit your name in the comments below, and you too can be part of this hideous adventure!