Here we are, round-tripping back to another robust and joyous Wednesday. Mine has been just dandy so far, apart from dropping my darling wife off at the airport. The children wept, my wife wept, I wept…it was a salty, eye-juice-tainted, horrible mess in the Astro as we drove away from the runways.
My mind immediately went to ‘please let her flight go safely.’
INSTANTLY. Without hesitation, without entertaining any other possibilities, my mind went straight to a hellish inferno of fuselage and jet fuel spread across the Rocky Mountains.
I didn’t share any of this with the children, needless to say. I got them cookies at the first opportunity. Am I raising a generation of emotional eaters? You bet.
I often go down the dark and horrible path, seeing the worst case scenarios play out in the hellish trap that is the cinema of my mind. I put on the brave face, say all the right things, and smile along so the children don’t see the outward manifestation of my all-encompassing fear.
There was one thing I was so sure of, not too long ago, that I’ve been questioning recently. I knew it without a doubt, one hundred percent, and if you asked me what I thought, I’d say ‘that is the way things are.’
Is there an afterlife?
I’ve never been religious, and have never subscribed to any church or doctrine that set me on any path. I’ve always called myself a spiritual person. Our bodies – the meat, nerves, internal organs, spinal cord…that could all be explained away with basic knowledge of biology.
But why I like the things I like, why I love my children with my every moment, why my wife fills my heart with wondrous joy every morning – even long after our initial courtship, seven-year-itch, and all that other ‘science’ – I’ve never had that explained away with science in a satisfying way.
How can all of that just be a series of chemical reactions and electrical impulses? How can the overwhelming grief I feel every November 28th, even 18 years after the fact, still be called ‘just science?’
I don’t know if my doubts are a result of so much cynicism, so much negativity, so much desire of humanity to do what it wants without fear of consequence…but right now, the doubts are there. So I hate letting my children do anything more than play in the front yard. I hate dropping my kids off at school, I hate driving to get my wife, and I hate thinking about the future because the worst case scenario starts up like the red band trailer to the next Saw movie.
Maybe someone out there can shed some perspective on this for me. I’m still leaning towards there being an afterlife, but I just don’t know anymore.
So, Internet, I’m asking you…is there an afterlife?