Instant, undying, forever love.
That’s the only way to describe the way I felt six times in my life.
Once each time I found out my wife was pregnant.
Once each time I first stared into the eyes of my precious sons.
There are no words that properly encapsulate that moment. It was like I’d been waiting to meet someone I already knew, each and every time, like my heart and soul were saying ‘oh, there you are. I have so much to tell you.’
I was terrified. Head to toe, up-and-down my body, wracked with fear. How do I pick this creature up?
When I was a kid, people just handed me the baby. Nobody ever let me pick up the baby. That was madness. A child picking up a baby? Surely not.
I had never done this before. And all the practice with dollies in the world of lamaze and prenatal classes mean diddly when faced with a nine pound squeaky potato that doesn’t like me yet.
So, for those of you who have never received training, or just need a refresher course, here’s how you pick up a baby.
1.) Ensure baby is flat on its back. This provides a good leverage foundation.
2.) Decide which arm is your crooking arm. This is the arm where the baby’s head will rest. I tend to go leftie, because then my stronger right hand is free to operate bottles, wipes, and any other baby apparatus so required.
3.) Slide non-crooking arm slowly under baby, being careful to keep the head and neck of the baby supported at all times.
4.) Once baby’s head is resting firmly in your non-crooking hand, and your arm is supporting the baby’s weight, lift the baby up and prepare your crook with your crooking arm. This is done by bending your elbow to a head-supporting angle. The bigger the head, the bigger the angle.
5.) In one motion, lower baby down to crook. Once the baby’s head is fully supported by your elbow, slide your crooking arm around until it is fully wrapped around the lower half of your child.
6.) DO NOT REMOVE NON-CROOKING ARM UNTIL CROOK AND CROOK SUPPORT ARE FULLY IN PLACE.
7.) Once you feel the baby and your arm are in sync, and the baby and the BABY’S HEAD are one hundred percent aligned, you may remove your non-crooking arm for various operational requirements.
I hope this helps. If anyone has any other baby-lifting techniques, please feel free to share them with the rest of the class.
Thank you, and good evening.
Father of the Millenium 